i'd spend all night losing sleep.

Something is beyond missing here. Lately I can't find inspiration for anything. I can't pick up my guitar and make a sound. I can't open my mouth and say anything profound. I miss people I shouldn't be missing.
I'd have to say I'm feeling things I shouldn't be feeling.


When do you know when to stop feeling?


It's summer. Does it feel like summer? I feel like this summer was a wrong time. This summer, started at the wrong time. It should have waited a month. Yet at the same time, I feel differently. I feel that I need to just curl up in a ball.
Need to stop feeling.
Music can't match my mood, I can't eat without throwing it all up, I can't smile without having to frown. I feel like... I can't change.
Everyone tells me to change myself, for me. I can't change for me. I can't change. Not when my body is fighting against myself.

Red Kool-Aid is pretty delicious.

I miss Zak. He's amazing. I'd have to say he's one of my best friends. For some reason I feel like he has me on this string.
Like I'm his puppet.
I would honestly do anything just to get his attention for one second. I'm pretty sure that's not healthy. Something in his nonchalance kills me just a little bit more. His hugs, a lot more. His hair.. Consider me in the grave.


I'm actually, seriously listening to Hey There Delilah. Fuck me in the asshole.

It's not that bad of a song to begin with. And then it's like, fucking stop it. Stop it.


You know how every good band comes close to getting poisoned?
What if every good band was like every good person?
What if you found the person you couldn't live without, and they got poisoned, changed, ruined?
Would you still love that person?

It's what you do to me.
How do you deal with a person telling you that they aren't pulling back, but you know they are? That they aren't half as crazy about you as you are to them, how do you deal?
How do you live? Why, in every blog, must I go off on a tangent on questions that can't really be answered?


I became just another to him. Another. Conquest. Whore. Girl. Slut.
I don't know.


I don't even know what I am.